Book Release - Engaging Your Teens World

It was three years in the making and went through more than six rewrites but it's finally here.
So many of you have been great supporters (and beneficiaries) of Awake to Life. Now I need your help one more time. Go out and get your copy today.
Even if you were one of the lucky ones to get a press copy, go ahead and pick up another for a friend. Once you read it, write a review online for others to know what you thought of the book.

You can find a copy at the following brick and mortar stores:

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• best of all, try a local independent book seller
  

Or check online at sites such as:

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Click here for a detailed write up of the book.
To schedule a book signing or media interview please call Caitlin Mackenzie at Brazos Press at 616.676.9185 x392

The Moral Superiority of Teens

The Moral Temperament of Teens Most Teens Feel They are Morally Superior to Their Peers by Brian Housman "Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." Proverbs 11.2 The Josephson Institute has released their biannual Report Card on the Ethics of American Youth. It was easy enough to plow through the details not finding the results all that shocking. At least not until I got to the end. Don't worry I'll get to some of the juicy findings every parent hates to hear. But before that let's get back to the finale.

The Nitty Gritty of Teens Choices

After admitting their own ethical shortcomings, teens revealed that on a personal level "when it comes to doing what is right, I believe I am better than most people." This was stated by 93% of teens! Another 77% said they were "satisfied with my personal ethics and character." In short the majority of teenagers believe that they are good enough. What is shocking is comparing this admission of their personal ethical superiority to their own ethical choices.

STEALING - 30% of teens admit to stealing from a store in the past year (35% of boys, 26% of girls). Students involved in service groups and school leadership were less likely to steal but still more than 1 in 4 did so. 1 in 4 also admitted stealing from a parent and 1 in 5 stealing from a friend. There was no significant difference among those who attended private religious schools with 1 in 5 of these students admitting to being thieves as well.

LYING - This year 42% of all teenagers lied in order to save money. Apparently, saving a few dollars was worth more than their own integrity. There is a significant difference between guys and girls when it comes to lying. 49% of guys and 36% lied to save money. When it comes to gaining trust with parents, more than 80% of all public and private school students admit to lying to their parents.

CHEATING - This area of morality suffered the greatest increase from past studies. This can be largely contributed to the number of teens who have cell phones and use them for cheating. 64% of teens admit to cheating on a test in the past year. 38% did so more than once. There was no significant difference among private religious school students with 63% cheating. 35% used their cell phone for cheating. Among those who did 26% stored answers in their phone to use in the class room and another 25% texted answers to friends.

It's All About the Heart

It would be easy as a parent to loose site of the root of this kind of behavior. Sure none of us want our teens stealing, lying, or cheating but the problem is not the stealing, lying, or cheating. That might be what the get punished for is they get caught but there is a much deeper seated issue--the condition of their heart.

Playright Tennessee Williams said, "The human heart is curved like a road through mountains." Proverbs 21.2 says, "All a man's ways seem right to him, but the LORD weighs the heart." The heart is at the root of it all.

It's not so much their behavior that alarms me as it is the fact that teens believe they are "better than most people." There is an arrogance, a moral superiority at play in their heart. I know from becoming acutely attuned to my own brokenness and dysfunction that my own unwillingness to see my sin for what it is only lead me to becoming my own demigod. Why would I need God because, hey, I'm good enough. And since I'm better than most, I have the right to stand in judgment over those who are lesser. It produces a haughtiness that leads to rot.

This is the heart posturing of this generation of teens. Those raised from a modern worldview perspective would call this moral decay. Those from a postmodern perspective would likely call it a moral shift or moral clarification. Instead of a moral plum line we now have a curved road to paraphrase T. Williams. As this generation attempts to define what is cheating everything from peers to technology to the situation have a bearing on the definition. The curvier the answer becomes from what God intended the easier it is for me to become morally superior.

My heart hurts for this generation and where I know their choices will lead. Proverbs 11.2 tells us that, "moral pride leads to disgrace." But I choose not to be the judge that tries to bring about that disgrace. That is God's job. Rather I believe our role as pastors, parents, and friends is to model for them a "humility from wisdom." Wisdom that comes from our own experiences of being disciplined by God. Wisdom that allows me to see that apart from God's grace I too easily fall onto the curved road myself.

Abstinence Funding Gets Dumped

	Government Cuts Abstinence Funding from Budget Will We Get Something Better or Worse? by Brian Housman

President Obama just released his proposed budget for 2010. Much to the disappointment of many parents and educators, he has recommended cutting all federal funding for abstinence education programs in public schools. At $170 million, in terms of federal spending, it was only a small amount to begin with compared to what is spent on other "family planning" programs and sex education initiatives. But small as it might have been, it was still a willingness on the government's part to explore other practices for educating our teens in their sexual options.

Those who are in support of abstinence programs (myself included) are deeply disturbed by the blanket disregard for other options. Jimmy Hester, co-founder of True Love Waits, said via email response, “From a medical standpoint, there is no such thing as safe sex for unmarried young people, so we believe it is a disservice to eliminate opportunities for them to hear a positive message about remaining abstinent until marriage." While I believe abstinence is realistic choice that many teens will honor, I also don't live under a delusion that all (or even most) will. So I don't fault the government for wanting to offer many choices and a variety of programs. What I find alarming is the government's implication by this budget choice that teen sexual abstinence is not doable. Or better than that, that it is not a preferable and honorable standard to live by.

You Did What? Based On What?

The two reasons some in the family planning field have wanted to cut the federal funding for abstinence education is a belief that it just doesn't work. There has been a grand total of one federally funded study done on the effectiveness of abstinence programs. This study only evaluated a few programs used in schools and it evaluated the early phases of the programs. When the programs were only given funding for a few years there is no way this could be consider an accurate longitudinal study especially when other studies have shown just the opposite. Melissa Pardue of the Heritage Foundation sites ten different national studies that have shown abstinence based sex education as being effective in reducing teen pregnancy. Four of the studies were published in peer reviewed journals.

Another reason given for cutting the funding is the recent increase in teen pregnancy. For almost twenty years teen pregnancy and sexual activity trends were going down. Then in 2007 the rates for both went up. Again in 2008 they went up. And I would guess it will go up again in 2009. While this recent uptick is disturbing, no one in their right mind can accurately predict why. Even officials at the CDC have said it is way to early to even know if this is an anomaly or a trend. In the end, if it is shown that the leading factor in causing kids to engage in more sexual activity is abstinence education in public schools, then I for one will agree that we should eliminate those programs. But there has been no known study.

How Now Will We Respond

If the government moves forward with President Obama's recommendation, it will require some serious evaluation from the church and community groups on how to move forward with the message of abstinence. Hester said, "With the potential loss of federal funding, families, churches and other organizations will need to be creative and step up to the challenge of making sure students clearly understand the benefits of choosing abstinence and the risks of premarital sex.” Will need to be creative. That's a great statement those of us in the church need to hear. Not need to be dependent. Not need to expect the government to provide or even agree. Instead it will require us to put our heads together and be willing to think of new ways to communicate what is God's best to a new generation of students.

I believe teens need to know the truth and potential conequences of sexual activity as well as all their options whether that be oral contraceptives, condoms, and yes, abstinence. I don't expect all students to embrace a biblical value system but they should at least be aware of a different option. A better option. An option that if lived by has been proven to eliminate the risk of pregnancy, shame, regret, loss of reputation, and loss of future potential. Whether that option is funded by the government or the shoestring budgets of grassroots organization, it is worth the cost.

Modesty Has Become Hip in Teen Fashions

	Slinky Gives Way to Simple Thanks in large part to influence of conservative clothing choices from teen idols. And shockingly...parents! by Brian Housman

Teen fashion trends come and go as quickly as American Idol hopefuls. But for some reason the fascination with tight jeans and flashing midriffs seemed to last forever. Worse yet was a new attitude of sexual brazenness that came along with it. Luckily we may be seeing the last days of exposed bellybuttons from low-cut jeans that only got lower the longer the trend lasted.

The current crop of tween culture idols are impacting more than the Nielson ratings on Disney and Nickelodeon. More importantly they are having a positive effect on teen fashions. According to Trend Central, the more modest fashions from characters on Hannah Montana, iCarly, and the High School Musical series are being copied in real life. Not to mention the new teen standards from the White House named Sasha and Malia. Whether it be from TV characters or real life people conservative dress is making a comeback this season.

Both high-end shops as well as chains such as Justice and Limited Too are embracing the trend from slinky to simple. The new lines don't compromise on being hip as each is full of bright colors and eclectic patterns. So girls get to be just as expressive except without all the skin.

Mom and Dad Make a Comeback Too

Of particular interest is a secondary reason for the shift to conservative wear -- Parents. This generation of teens are more emotionally and relationally connected to their parents and therefore more open to their influence and feedback. Parents never liked the "let's all dress up like Britney" look but this generation of tweens are listening to their parents advice when it comes to sexuality and modesty. So take heart Mom, what you say really does matter. Now that you know don't miss the opportunity to lovingly make a difference in your teens clothing choices. That doesn't mean when you demand modesty your daughter will respond. But what you can do is take the time to ask questions that help her compare what might be appropriate or inappropriate. Or what makes her feel beautiful instead of simply "sexy." Use your wisdom and life experience to make a difference. And don't forget Miley Cyrus and Demi Lavoto might be big today, but over the longhaul you'll be the biggest influence in her life.

Teen Phone Flirters Charged with Child Porn

	Teens Swapping Nude Pics Lead to Child Pornography Charges But Who's Really to Blame? Parents? Teens? Phone providers? Or maybe it's all of us. by Brian Housman

The issue of teens using their cell phones as the latest way to experiment with their sexuality continues to grow. Some of you will remember that I wrote an article last year for Awake to Life entitled Flirting with the Phone that addressed this issue. I which I could say that things have gotten better since last year but that would be asking for a lot. As with most issues in teen culture, the problem is like a snowball tumbling down a hill. It continues to grow, become more intense, and pick up speed. And sadly, we usually ignore it until its about to collide with those below.

Besides sending sexual text messages to one another, it's becoming more common for teens to send sexually oriented photos of themselves to one another. Usually this is done as a form of flirting or foreplay but there have been situations where the photos were send as a form of harassment.

Compound the Problem with More Problems

Law enforcement officials in communities all over are feeling overwhelmed by schools and parents wanting them to do something. The solution they've come up with is to arrest the students on felony charges of distributing or receiving child pornography. Just this week in Greenburg, PA three girls and four boys were charged in conjunction with child pornography after the girls sent the boys semi-nude photos of themselves. Similarly, Newark, OH girl was charged after sending sexual photos of herself to a number of classmates.

Now I'm no expert on the law but surely we can agree that this is a poor way for any authority to handle the matter. Imagine your son getting that familiar ring on his cell phone that tells him he has a text message. Only when he opens it there is a nude picture of a classmate sent by the classmate! The next thing he knows the police are handcuffing him for possession of child pornography. Wouldn't that be like someone sending you a pipe bomb in the mail and getting arrested for possession of explosives?

It's no wonder there is such a distrust from teens toward adults. The people that should be working to protect them only add to the problem (at least in this case).

Addressing the Real Issue

It should break any parents heart to know their teen would find it acceptible and funny to send a flirt photo of themselves to someone else. And that is where the problem lies: with the teen and with the parent. This is not a law enforcement issue. It's a family issue.

According to most recent surveys, more than 70% of all teens own a cell phone. I'm not altogether against the idea of a teen having a cell phone. If used the right way it can be a useful communication tool. Herein lies the other problem. The majority of teen cell phone owners were handed their phone with no strings attached. No stated expectations of etiquette. No time restrictions. No boundaries for usage.

If the parent has to sign a contract with the cell provider, then why don't parents require their teens to sign a contract with them? It doesn't have to be long or too detailed but a Teen Cell Phone Contract can help put reasonable expectations on your teens for how they should and shouldn't use the cell phone. If you as a parent don't pay the bill, you are in breach of contract and your phone is no longer usable. A Teen Cell Contract helps you keep your teen to the same standard. It's no just you mandating behavior. It's your teen signing off that they agree to do "x,y,z" in order to receive the privilege of using a cell phone.

I don't think this is going to solve every case of teens sending flirty messages or sexual pictures. But it does set the bar of what is expected and give you an out as a parent to respond in a calculated way to what was already agreed upon instead of just out of emotion. If you would like to download a sample Teen Cell Phone Contract you can do so at AwaketoLife.org